Acknowleding fear, and moving on

There’s a lot of family changes happening in our extended family this year. I’m grateful that they are of a positive sort, but all the same they’re major changes. People are getting married, babies are arriving, and family members are scrambling around to make the necessary plans for the upcoming changes.

Being the responsible sort, who loves her family, this is resulting in my internalizing a lot of stress. In many ways our household functions as a sort of hub between siblings and parents….which means that we hear a lot about individuals’ opinions. They don’t often agree with each other or mesh with my view. The long and the short of the current situation is that I feel a lot of competing pressure to be helpful, supportive and available but I’m short on ways to actually help out. There are just certain things I cannot do for others.

I realized last night that I’ve been spending a lot of time grinding my mental gears on familial guilt-trips, assumed obligations, actual obligations, and worry over the needs of my own family. It’s wearing me out, and it’s wearing me down. My attitude is crappy and I don’t like rehashing my feelings of overwhelm and anxiety.

Previous experience has taught me that this sort of negative emotional loop happens when I feel emotional pressure, and the unvoiced fears associated with them, but never acknowledge what I’m afraid of. If I don’t acknowledge my fears – rational or not – I can’t deal with them or escape the negative, oppressive emotions that they cause.

Fortunately, there’s a simple fix: acknowledging my fears…rational or not…..big and small. I’ve thought them out. I’ve written them down. They look better on paper. I can deal with them one-at-a-time. I understand myself better, and I feel able to tackle each fear as an individual problem. I’ve dispensed with the guilt and overwhelm.

I feel better. Lighter. Able to cope. I can move on.

Fear can be caused by anything in life. Sometimes I feel fear about business changes or creative endeavors or new opportunities. Though the “fixes” for fears are not always easy, acknowledging the fear in the stark light of day will give you the power to overcome it.

If you, too, are feeling stressed out and overwhelmed, take some time to really figure out what’s underneath. Write it down, and make a plan. You’ll be more productive. You’ll be happier. You might even discover that fear is an opportunity for positive changes.

Katie wonders why she isn’t Japanese

Do you ever find yourself wondering why you don’t fit into a radically different category than the one you usually occupy? For instance, if you were a petite but mightily curvy woman born & raised in the Midwest you might find yourself wondering (many times, on multiple occasions, over a fairly decent spread of time) why you weren’t Japanese.

No, I’m not crazy. And I furthermore blame the Japanese people for my self-perception issues. Why? Because of things like this:

And this dress:

(This dress is from a Japanese sewing book called the Stylish Dress book, more about that here. For sale here.)

And if that weren’t enough, the things they do with knit & crochet blow me away. If only I had a few dozen more hours per day to spend sewing, knitting and crafting crazy-cool Japanese crafts!

Now you know….the secret & somewhat silly thoughts of a midwestern girl. I even have a pinboard devoted to “Japanese Inspiration” over on Pinterest. I’m YarnLove over there, in case you’re in the mood to oggle my pins.

Yarn Baby is cute – or the heart of being indie

You know, working out of your home – even when you have dedicated studio space – while balancing the needs of your family is a challenge. Many indie artists face this challenge everyday. For me some days are quite hard – the business must wait because my children need me. This can cause me stress and frustration as my deadlines and daily strategies are altered or disappear all together. Other days we all work in harmony and I make great yarny accomplishments! They are satisfied with their work and play, and I accomplish what must be done and more. As an indie artisan, I feel the tug of many tasks that need my attention. I make lots of lists in order to a.) remember everything and b.) prioritize my tasks c.) ensure both the household and the business is running smoothly.

To me, this is the heart of being an indie artisan. Bringing my career, and money making pursuits, into harmony with my life and my family. I feel this indie life is a great blessing to myself and to my family even while it is one of the most challenging pursuits of my life to date.

Case in point: I am currently working on a tight deadline for publishing two patterns. Contracts have been signed, and my professional image as a designer is riding on me getting my patterns and samples in on time. Due to the crazy forces of mid-winter holiday madness, I had 5 pattern deadlines changed by the publishers during the month of December. Even though I have been working days, nights and weekends on these two particular patterns, I had to write for an extension.

I felt terrible. I felt unprofessional. Luckily, the project is not as time-sensitive as most & the publisher granted me a bit of extra time to get everything in order. It was a huge weight off my shoulders, but I’m still working like mad.

Yesterday, I looked downstairs as I was cleaning up from breakfast to see my youngest son (16 months) playing with my yarn cakes for this pattern sample. We’re talking custom spun yarn that I’ve hand-dyed and hand-wound and are integral to this project which I’ve been trying not to stress over.

And I smiled. Because my yarn was ok. My pattern and sample are progressing daily. And my baby found joy in something I created.This is why I am indie.

My boy.

And his yarn.

January 2012 – a new year & new colors!

It’s the heart of gloomy winter. Everything is barren and brown. I miss the brilliant hues of spring and summer (This is probably not surprising after last month where I dyed colors after flowers, huh?) So I’ve dyed up some highly saturated colors, but this time from the cool side of the palette. Show off your sophisticated, inner Ice Princess with these regal colors.

This month’s yarn is very similar to December’s yarn base (Charlotte Bronte Fingering) with one difference – this month’s yarn is superwash treated. So if you loved the thinner sock weight, with that distinctive, two-ply nubbly texture but need machine washability, this is your month!

Each skein is 4 oz, 560 yards, 100% superwash merino. Need an extra skein or three? No problem – they’re $21 each plus shipping.

If you’re new to the club, remember to follow the link you received in your club email to submit your color choice & order additional skeins!

Green with Envy

A monochromatic progression in green! Spring green, kelly green, emerald and deep blue green march along the length of this skein. Green has been quite popular with club members in the past, and this one is sure to please all the green-lovers! Pair this skein with navy, grey, or black for a classy color accent to your winter wardrobe or welcome spring with brilliantly green socks! (St. Patty’s day is coming!)

Ice Princess

This skein is mostly blue, but with a pop of purple and mustard to brighten it up. Dull mustard, teal, sky blue, brilliant blue, and a blueberry dance across this skein. If you like jewel tones, you’ll love this skein. It’s regal enough to satisfy the pickiest princess!